u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
