Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
NoShamevember. You game?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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