I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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