i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
