Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Floor bacon is actually really good
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
