hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
