hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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