You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
