Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
