i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
