mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
