it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
