i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
