i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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