You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
