He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
