How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
