I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
