How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
