Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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