I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Randomize
