I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
