so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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