WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
