I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
