your parents love me but you hate me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
