My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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