Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
