Im at strip club and am horny
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I faked an abortion last night.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
