I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
