so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
