it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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