Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
