right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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