my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
