Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
