And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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