If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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