the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
