Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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