I skipped work to stalk him.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
