So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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