He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
