You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
