Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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