So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
