Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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