I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i already hear my dad disowning me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
