oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I believe in your delicious
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
