How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
