why didn't you poke me back
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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