remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
