it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
