went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
