ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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