She's JV to your varsity
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
