Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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