Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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