your parents love me but you hate me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
