And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
