I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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