I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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