Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
