Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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