woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
