Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
