Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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