Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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