Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
