we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
