I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
