Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
