definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
