his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize