**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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