I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
