How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
