Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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