He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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