she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
