You're my little dorito
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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