just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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