hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
