I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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