why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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