You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
is it fun? or sober?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
