I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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