tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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