At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
