Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
