is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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