i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
