my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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