then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
