Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
