God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
