So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize