And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
